Locating a Counselor for the Person with Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions

by Tim Wilkins

Locating an experienced counsellor who will help a person overcome unwanted same-sex attractions can be a long and arduous task. Because this form of counselling is “politically incorrect” among many counsellors, strugglers and/or their family and friends need to know how to investigate and secure a counsellor who shares their belief–that freedom is possible. When I am contacted by someone needing counselling for homosexuality, I immediately refer them to an Exodus member ministry in their area. (www.exodus.to) or (www.exodus-international.org) or (http://exodusyouth.net/youth/index.html) Sometimes distance makes this unfeasible. Simply picking up the phone and making an appointment with the first counsellor to answer can be a horrible mistake. Thus, I have specific guidelines for those seeking such help.

While calling one’s pastor for a referral is helpful, oftentimes he may not know who to suggest.

Go through the yellow pages and begin calling counsellors. Do not assume that the designation “Christian or Biblical Counselling” means what you think it means. When you get a counsellor on the phone, tell them “I need help for someone who is experiencing anxiety regarding same-sex attractions.” Do not say “I need help for a man/woman who is experiencing unwanted same-sex attractions”; you do not want to tip your hand with the word “unwanted.” By using the word “unwanted,” you are telling the counsellor up front that the struggler wants freedom– thus allowing the counsellor to modify his/her comments in order to get another client in the door, even if he or she does not believe in or advocate freedom. (If you get an answering machine or a receptionist, leave your phone number for them to return your call; DO NOT give details.)

After this brief introduction, immediately ask this diagnostic question, “what approach do you take with such a client?” Say nothing more; wait in complete silence for their response. If the counsellor asks a question before responding to your question, politely but firmly repeat your question with a slight variation, “how do you go about dealing with such a person?” Maintain control of the conversation– after all you made the phone call. Refuse to be drawn into answering qualifying questions. If the counsellor cannot or will not tell you their approach, thank them for their time and end the call.

If the counsellor is candid and says he deals only with the homosexual’s anxiety versus freedom, again politely end the call. He is not what you are looking for. If the counsellor’s answers are solidly biblical, press further. If the counsellor uses biblical terminology, but comes across with simplistic answers such as “I teach him how to trust the Lord,” or “I share the gospel and tell her to repent,” again politely end the phone call.

What you want to hear is a lucid, compassionate, biblical response that homosexual behaviour is sin and freedom is possible through Jesus Christ. When you get the appropriate response, ask what books they have read on the subject and how much experience they have had counselling in this area.

Listen for book titles such as:

  • Someone I Love is Gay by Bob Davies & Anita Worthen
  • Homosexual No More by Bill Consiglio
  • Setting Love in Order by Mario Bergner
  • Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth by Dr. Jeffrey Satinover
  • Coming Out of Homosexuality by Bob Davies & Lori Rentzel
  • Out of Egypt by Jeanette Howard
  • Desires in Conflict– When Homosexuality Hits Home–A Strong Delusion by Joe Dallas
  • Unwanted Harvest? by Mona Riley and Brad Sargent
  • Straight and Narrow? by Thomas Schmidt
  • Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would by Chad Thompson

The above books are classics advocating change for the homosexual. If you continue to get positive responses from the counsellor, set an appointment for you or your loved one.

Tim Wilkins
Cross Ministry
PO Box 1122
Wake Forest, NC 27588
919/569-0375

www.crossministry.org
Equipping the Church to Evangelize and Disciple the Homosexual