FAITH BY BULLET POINT – Emotional Healing in Midlife by Margaret Logan
“I was 45 years old but felt like a toddler – terrified of the monster under my bed.”
Margaret only faced the demons of her past for the first time as a 45 years old. She shares the key things that helped her navigate the pain.
I sat bolt upright on the side of my bed, clutching my pillow. Tears were streaming down my face and I was terrified. Shivering and shaking, I looked at the clock. It was 11.15pm on a Monday night in September. I was 45 years old but felt like a toddler – terrified of the monster under my bed.
This was the start of a journey that was to take me another three years to travel. Memories of an abuse that I suffered as a child, and had buried for so long, were to come bubbling to the surface. This is actually a fairly common phenomenon in midlife.
When the mind perceives that the conscious mind now has the time and space to look at unresolved issues, it will make these issues come to the surface of the mind.
Looking back at my journey there were several landmarks that were key for my healing:
• Talking about it
A safe person to talk to about all the painful and raw emotions that were coming up. I continued talking to her for more than two years.
• God’s household: the church
Being involved in a close Christian community was vital – I needed to extend grace to myself as well as receive it from others while the whole of me was in turmoil.
The male mentors who were there for me and blessed me as a woman were so important for the healing of my broken femininity. Their patience and understanding helped me to release my feelings of hatred towards men and thus, in turn, be able to grow a relationship with Father God. The women assisted me in restoring my femininity.
• Jesus, the living Christ
Throughout it all, the golden thread was Jesus, the healer. Only His hands could hold me and rebuild my strong tower. Only He could soothe those deep painful wounds and restore my mind and my soul.
He alone could lift the weight of sin from me. And finally, He was the one to redeem my suffering by opening doors for me to help others, as I had been helped. RW
“He [Jesus] heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
MARGARET LOGAN was the victim of childhood sexual abuse and after living with the fruits of it for more than 40 years, started to walk the road to healing. She has a passion to help children who are hurting and started a school for children with remedial, emotional and behavioural difficulties. She is has been a board member of Restoring Wholeness since 1997-2009.