by Rudi Olivier
2 but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them.
3 The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone
4 and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery.
5 Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?”
6 They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt.
7 They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.”
8 Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
9 Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone.
10 Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”
11 “No one, Master.” “Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.”
I come out of a very verbal and physical abused home. Then, during my teens, I turned to homosexuality and drugs. The world as I knew it started to change before my eyes. That was when I called out to the Lord for the first time in my life. The Lord took me by the hand and healed me from most of my past hurts and unforgiveness. Then about 6 months prior to my big fall I started to feel isolated from the Lord. I still had the desire to serve HIM but not the will to pick up my bible, or even go on my knees, crying out to God for mercy. I could feel that there was something very wrong with my relationship with Him. But because I was so busy trying to making sense of all the busyness by myself, I became even busier.
My thought pattern started to change. I started to look around at other guys again, desiring them with my eyes; I even started to judge people for claiming that they were Christians but not acting like it. I became so blind with my own sorrow that I stopped to take time to look at myself. And as it happens with sin, I started to look judgingly at others trying to spot their faults, in order to take the spotlight off myself. During this time I got a word from the Lord – more than once – to start renewing my mind. This I took too lightly.
Eventually everything became too much for me and I fell into sin blindly.
After the sexual act, I felt guiltier for not seeing it, for what it was, and stopping it, than for the act itself. How could I have been so blind?
The Lord has many different ways to get us on our knees, even if he has to let us fall flat on our faces and to give us the desires of our hearts, He will get our attention. He knows our hearts better than we do ourselves and He knows what we truly desire. I started to look to Him again for comfort and compassion. The first thing He showed me was John 8:1-11. With the words “Who do you think you are?” As I read the scripture I realised that I was doing exactly what the religious scholars and Pharisees did. I started to judge other people, but I had more sin than they had. It is so easy to fall into old patterns if we don’t keep our eyes on Him.
In the scripture above I can see two very important lessons:
1. The way we judge other people.
2. The way we judge ourselves.
- John 8:3 – First, if we start to judge others we have to ask ourselves ‘is my life without any sin?’ Yes, it is so easy to judge that it becomes part of every fibre of our being. We don’t see it unless God points it out to us. Maybe He is showing it to you now, while you are reading this. Next time you realise that you are judging someone, STOP and look at yourself. STOP and ask the Lord to expose what you need to see in your own life.
- John 8:10 – Secondly, never be too hard on yourself. I don’t know about you, but I feel like garbage after I did something wrong. All I want to do is to run away. But I was also taught that being hard on myself will only drive me away from the people who love me, as well as God. The Lord Jesus did not make a scene and chase the woman away; NO, he spoke to her with compassion and Love. He understood where she came from and why she did it. Adultery was, and still is, a very serious sin, but it is not unforgivable. So if the Lord can forgive her, how much more will He not forgive us?
Something that I have learned and which has helped me a lot, was to talk about it. Find someone who has been where you are now, and open up to them.
Sit back and relax; call on the Lord to help you to clean your mind. Then ask the Holy Spirit to help you to take an inventory of your live – go back as far as needed. Write it down, concentrate on your feelings. It is so easy to hide the real-self when things get too much. Ask yourself, “Do I have too much on my plate? What are the most important things I need to concentrate on right now?” Put your life back into perspective. Remember you’re healing and relationship with the Lord is the most important.
The Lord loves you, just as you are right now and He will never throw you away no matter how bad you think you are. REMEMBER He called you when you were covered in sin, so why would He push you away NOW?
© Rudi Olivier 2005-01-29