My story isn’t incredibly unusual, in fact, I think many young men today would be able to relate to it in some way. I wasn’t raised in a Christian family, nor did I grow up going to church. If you had asked me if I were a Christian, I would have said yes. But you wouldn’t have been able to tell by the way I lived. I had absolutely no concept of what it meant to have an intimate relationship with the Lord, nor did I believe that that was even an option. My parents got divorced when I was eleven years old, and that event rocked my world. During my childhood and adolescence following my parents’ divorce, I didn’t have the best relationship with either of them. I didn’t see my dad very often, and I had a lot of issues going on at home with my mom
pertaining to alcoholism and verbal abuse. I felt as though the rug had been ripped completely out from under me and that there wasn’t anything firm to hold on to. So, at eleven years old, I discovered pornography and masturbation, to which I quickly became addicted. This was the beginning of my sexual and relational brokenness.
Upon entering high school and college I found that my relationship with my parents,
especially my mother, was getting worse. I also had a girlfriend during that time. You would be correct in assuming that it wasn’t a “God honoring relationship” since there was a lot of sexual sin going on and meanwhile, I was still addicted to pornography. Halfway through my junior year of college, that relationship ended. I lost quite a bit through that ordeal and was back where I started, at rock bottom, panicking over what to do and where I was going in life. I was in despair over my obvious lack of a firm foundation. Miraculously, a friend at work asked me if I
wanted to join him at a small group bible study that he was attending. I said yes without hesitation. This timely introduction to Chi Alpha, a college ministry group, led to me surrendering my life to Jesus less than a month later. It was only then, at twenty-two years old, that I began to learn what it means to develop a relationship with Jesus. And that I could encounter Him personally and intimately.
But even after becoming a new believer, I was still struggling to kick my addiction to
pornography. Whenever I fell back into that cycle of sin and shame, it would grieve my heart because I knew it was against God and what He had for me. After being a part of Chi Alpha for a while, I met Brett Martin, who was reaching out to students about a program called Restoring Wholeness. I felt God tugging at my heart when Brett was talking about Restoring Wholeness, and I knew immediately that it was something I needed to do. Over the course of RW, I learned so much about the roots of my brokenness and how it was affecting my addiction to porn and my broken relationships with my parents. I was able to be vulnerable and pray with people who
shared my faith without fear of condemnation. During one of the sessions, Brett gave me and the others a book called Prodigal by Wynn Thompson. I must admit that the book sat on my desk for about a month, and I hadn’t looked at it. But one day I was having a particularly tough time, so I decided to pick it up and give it a shot. I was completely captivated by Wynn’s story, and I couldn’t put the book down. I read the whole thing all in one day. It was a challenging and heart-breaking story, but one that truly exemplified God’s glory and His ability to retrieve and redeem
those who are lost.
Though my story is far different from Wynn’s, the emotions and struggles that he
described matched a lot of the hopeless feelings I had about my own situation. Both Restoring Wholeness and Prodigal gave me a new perspective on what
brokenness is and how to begin healing from it. I thank God constantly for having put Brett and Wynn in my path. I had previously written my relationship with my mother off, but with what I have learned about God’s heart for forgiveness and reconciliation, I am overjoyed to say that I now have a great relationship with both of my parents. And I am healing from years of consuming and being addicted to pornography. The process of healing isn’t easy, and it hasn’t always been quick, but I rest assured knowing that Jesus has been and will continue to be with me every step of the way.