Hope for the Abuser
By Wynn Cameron Thompson
In recent years, the atrocities of sexual abuse, rape, and incest have finally begun to receive the attention they demand. While it may seem like these horrors are increasing at an alarming rate, the reality is that they have haunted the shadows of our society for generations. What we see today is only the tip of the iceberg.
However, as we rightly focus on the healing of the victim, a critical gap remains: there is little to no help offered to the abuser.
My perspective is born of a painful duality. As a child and teenager, I was a victim of abuse. As an adult, I became an abuser. But for the last 41 years, I have walked in total freedom from that sexual bondage and addiction. The cornerstone of this freedom is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For those still caught in the cycle, I offer these steps toward hope and healing:
The Path to Freedom
Admission: You must honestly admit that you have a problem.
Desperation: You must reach the point where you are truly “sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
Willingness: You must be prepared to do whatever is necessary for your healing.
Surrender: You must bring your brokenness to the Cross of Jesus.
Forgiveness: You must learn the difficult path of both forgiving others and receiving forgiveness for yourself.
Accountability: You must become open and accountable to a trusted individual or support group.
Choice: You must come to understand that you always have a choice.
The Source of the Hunger
Each abuser’s background is unique, yet many share a common thread: they were themselves victims of abuse in their formative years. There is often a profound, misplaced “hunger” for love, approval, affirmation, and bonding with a parent. When these needs are left unmet, rejection becomes a powerful drive, leading abusers to seek fulfillment from those who are innocent and open—children who are themselves hungry for love.
This hunger, whether healthy and holy or sick and twisted, creates a cycle of deception. We must see the truth: Jesus Christ came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). Those who abuse others are prisoners, caught in a web woven from the pit of hell.
Choosing Life Abundantly
Jesus tells us in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” If you are caught in the grip of abuse—whether against others or yourself—you have believed a lie. But no matter what you have done, you still have a choice. You can choose to change. Your will, combined with the will of God and the power of His Holy Spirit, can and will set you free, one step at a time.
A Call to the Church
The modern church as a whole has often failed to address the reality of sexual brokenness. While the apostle Paul wrote openly about sexual sin, today we often find ourselves caught in denial, secrecy, and shame. Our call as Christians is to be more like Christ: loving the sinner while hating the sin.
We must come out of the shadows and into the Light of Jesus Christ. If the church is so “heavenly minded” that it is of no earthly good, then we have lost our way. God calls us to a humble balance. In 2 Chronicles 7:14, He promises: “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”