n was the last time you felt like giving up? 
by Brett Martin
For those of us who have struggled with any sort of relational or sexual brokenness, the temptations to give up and give in to the struggle are REAL!!! Shame and self-hatred help fuel the struggle to quit. These emotions contribute to our feelings of loneliness and isolation. Hopelessness consumes!
Because shame and self-hatred were so strong in my life, I used pride, busyness, and patterns of living in/with denial and excuses. This kept me in a place of brokenness and feeling emotionally stuck. I was afraid of judgement and rejection from others if they truly knew what was going on deep within my soul and emotions. I didn’t know healing and freedom was possible.
I grew up going to church religiously on Sundays but had no understanding of God’s love. I grew up singing “Jesus, loves me this I know” but had no experiential knowledge of God’s love. God’s love was just a concept and words to a song. My understanding of God’s love was that if I had a perfect performance, then I would be worthy of His love.
Unknowingly I was being groomed and discipled by the world and the enemy in what intimacy was. An early exposure to pornography began teaching me false ways of intimacy. I felt as if I had no safe places to ask questions, process and find truth. This early exposure to pornography and confusing sexual thoughts and desires towards my male peers brought shame and self-hatred. I knew I was definitely disqualified from God’s love. I was socially aware and intelligent. I saw how people in the church and society mocked anyone who possibly struggled in this way. There was an inner vow that I would do my best to keep these emotions and feelings buried and hidden.
It was in college that I had a powerful encounter with God’s presence and love! Words cannot describe it. There was an undeniable experience that I had with God’s love that forever marked and changed my life. It was a spiritual awareness that I knew I was unconditionally loved by God. It was in college that I was introduced to a Christianity, that I would say, reflected more of what God purposed for my life. I was surrounded by peers who wanted to read their Bibles and live like Jesus taught. There was an authenticity that challenged me and unknowingly began changing me.
The process of change takes time. No matter what our struggle is, healing and transformation take time. But this should never be our focus. Our eyes and focus need to be on Jesus! He is the ONLY One who forgives, heals, and restores. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Philippians 1:6 that says, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
I believe it is human nature that wants instant results. We don’t want to struggle, and we definitely don’t want to be reminded of how vulnerable and weak we are in the midst of temptation. It confronts our pride! We don’t want to feel weak and vulnerable to others. We still fear judgement! But God’s Word says in James 4:6 that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Let’s remember the words of Jesus that says, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.” We want our own way, and we want it to be easy. We don’t like the struggle. Proverbs says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.”
The next time you feel like giving up, remind yourself that change, healing, and transformation take time. It’s more of a journey than a destination. God’s Word promises He’ll never leave us or forsake us. He is a friend that sticks closer to us than a brother. “So, let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians. 6:9
As we partner with God and do our part, then God will do His part. It is a partnership. We are not alone!