EVERYONE HAS ISSUES!
Shame has impacted all of our lives. For some, this truth is understood and accepted. For others, this truth is denied and avoided. The latter response highlights shame. My journey confronting shame began in college. It has been a long and arduous work. That consuming feeling that something was wrong with me seemed to never leave. Consuming emotions of comparison, envy and jealousy of those who seemed to have everything together added to the shame.
Working with students for the last 28 years, I have heard many stories of pain, hurt and betrayal, giving shame permission to enter. Unfortunately, this is often at the hands of loved ones, family members and supposedly trusted friends. Shame can come from a lot of different sources. It can be self-inflicted by wrong choices and decisions or caused from others. It really doesn’t matter where shame entered our lives, the truth is that we all have been impacted by it. For those who are self aware, this is easier to articulate and own.
Shame is as old as time. Our original parents constructed fig leaves in the garden of Eden to cover themselves from one another and God. Isn’t this what we do today? We don’t want others in our lives to know the painful, dark areas in our lives. Sure, we may not be using actual fig leaves but we often hide behind things to cover the shame in our lives. We hide our shame striving for a promotion at work, a high paying salary, having so many “likes” on social media, and associating with the right circle of friends. We often distract ourselves and numb shame and the pain it causes with all kinds of substances, excess spending and excess eating. These efforts drive us just so others will think better of ourselves. But yet, the shame never leaves.
Recently I was listening to a podcast called “The Place We Find Ourselves” where the author and guest speaker were speaking about shame. According to shame expert, Brene Brown, shame needs three things to grow.
- Secrecy
- Silence
- Judgement
Shame keeps us stuck and truly hinders intimacy in our lives with God and with others. In my ministry to students, I often speak this truth. “Everyone has issues, and if we don’t address and deal with our issues, at one point or another, our issues will deal with us.” I encourage and challenge the students who will listen to start the courageous journey of facing and addressing pain.
For me personally, it was in Chi Alpha as a college student that I first began my journey of addressing pain. In addressing pain, shame began to break.
It was in a godly community that secrecy was confronted, silence was broken and judgement from others was faced.
Holly and I know very well the areas in our lives from our past where we have been stuck. This manifested in not fully being able to love others as Christ calls us to do and not fully walking in the freedom and joy that God had for us. But as we both independently before marriage began to face pain, God began to set us both free.
Holly and I are passionate about seeing students and leaders reach their God-given potential, dreams and destiny! We are encouraged by the many courageous students and leaders that have gone through and are currently going through our Restoring Wholeness 16 week course that confronts pain from our past and addresses shame in our lives. (“So if the Son sets you free from sin, then become a true son and be unquestionably free!”) John 8:36 TPT