UNDERSTANDING THE PEDOPHILE by Anonymous

UNDERSTANDING THE PEDOPHILE
Anonymous

The first time I can remember being sexually molested was at the age of eight. A man who lived on our street lured me into the bush by offering me a present. My second encounter with sex was at the age of ten when a man offered me a lift. He then parked his car and enticed me to do sexual things with him. These experiences awaken my sexual desires and I became obsessed with sex at this early age. I can remember trying to have sex with my friend’s sister when I was 13 years old. At the age of 14 I molested my three-year-old niece.At age 16, I quit school to start work; by this time I stopped all contact with children. At age 25 I moved to Cape Town and became a hippie. Approximately a year later I met a prostitute that had a six-year-old daughter I befriended the daughter and found myself molesting her.

I worked in a place called “the Hippie Market” with other hippies who had become Christians. There was one person that never gave up on telling me about Jesus. For weeks he spoke to me about the Lord. I was not at all interested in God until one day I said to my friend, “If God wants me to become a Christian, let Him show me a miracle!” That night the Lord appeared to me in my room. I began to speak to Him. The next morning I went to the Hippie Market as usual, not feeling anything special at all. I did not even remember what was said the night before. When I got to the market, my friend slapped me on the back and said to me, “Come on, and just accept the Lord.” I then opened my mouth and said to him that I had accepted the Lord the night before! I really did not intend to say that! Then I began to tingle from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I began to cry uncontrollably and my friend comforted me. That was the miracle I had challenged God for! He showed me that He could totally change my emotions and that He could even surprise me by the words that came out of my own mouth. I was excited and turned on to God. But I never faced the reality of my childhood hurts nor did I repent of my abuse towards children.

At the age of 30 I had not molested anyone for four years. I met and married a woman who attended the church I went to. She had 2 daughters, ages six and eight. I didn’t see it as a problem. Since I was a Christian, I thought God had taken care of all my problems. How wrong I was! I did have a responsibility but I did not act on it.

Within a few short months, I was molesting both of them. This continued for about four years, during which time my wife gave birth to our son. However, what I was doing was finally exposed and brought to the light. We sought help through the church we attended. They asked me to stop what I was doing but offered no practical help.

It was just too difficult for me. I sought the help from a psychologist, but that didn’t help. The girls were taken away by the Social Welfare Department and put into a
home of safety. I felt trapped in my sins after several unsuccessful attempts to stop my behaviour. Removing myself from the situation seemed to be the only solution, so my wife and I divorced in 1983. I was also asked to leave the church at which point I went back into the world.

After 12 years I began to hear the voice of God again. I responded to Him and joined a local church and God began dealing with my sexual addictions. He drew my attention to a book called, “Becoming A Vessel of Honour” by Dr. Rebecca Brown. I remember thinking, “That is what I want to be.” I started reading the book and when Dr. Brown spoke of doorways that Satan uses to get into our lives and how to close those doorways, the Lord compelled me to read on. I’d read other books on the subject before, but this was the first one that offered a practical way to deliverance. The Holy Spirit impressed upon me to return to my childhood and to the first time I was molested, by doing this the was able to enter this area of my life and started a healing process that still continues today.

The best thing that has changed in me is how I feel towards my son and my two daughters. A great healthy love has been birthed in me for them and, I have received complete forgiveness from my daughters. I realise that paedophilia is not at all an easy issue to overcome. The secular world says there is little to no hope but we serve an almighty and powerful God that can heal not only the physical but also the emotional man. As I look back at my life I realise just how much I have to thank God for. My prayer is for this story to bring hope, where there is often no hope, and freedom to those who suffer as paedophiles or any other life controlling issue…AMEN.