A letter to a friend regarding masturbation


Dear friend,You asked me, “What do I think of masturbation”…humm…boy, that’s a hot topic throughout the Christian male world!

Personally, I don’t think it’s God’s best for us…for some it becomes an ‘addictive behaviour’ and for some ‘compulsive’. When that happens it becomes our ‘control devise’….hey, we LOVE to be in control! The reason being is that at certain times in our life we ‘felt or perceived’ that we had no control, people ran over our boundaries…we were powerless. Control is a way to try and regain ‘power’ for ourselves.

Many have brought masturbation under subjection and only do it once or twice a month or less. They don’t think about anyone when they do it…at that point it can be stopped all together… nevertheless, our bodies continue to remind us about it! The body has it’s ‘proper’ functions and IF left alone it will automatically secrete sperm during the night…and without dreams!

We use masturbation to ‘bless our own masculinity’. If we are not ‘blessed’, ‘affirmed’ and receive our rightful ‘identity transfer’ from our fathers…which come through touch, talk, mentoring and an intimate transfer of soulish identity…we will become hungry, starved as it were for male identity and connection of who we really are. Masturbation can become our ‘warm fuzzy’. It is private and secretive and all our own. We run to it to make us ‘feel good’ about our masculinity…because we say to ourselves, ‘we need it’. We have tons of excuses to convince ourselves that it is OK, etc.

The bottom line (and hear is where it starts getting tough!)…it’s not God’s best for us…and it is sin, especially when we fantasise about someone while doing it! Remember Jesus said, “…if you see a woman (or man) and think it in your head it’s like you’ve already committed the act…” (paraphrased). I take it from that verse that ‘if we connect our thoughts to someone while masturbating’ well…it’s sin as well. We’re talking pornography as well here. You see what God showed me is that we are “raising idols up and worshipping at their temples” each time we do this using porn or even looking into a mirror when masturbating…let alone masturbating WITH someone…we are worshipping at the shrine of Baal ! (The god of Baal in the Old Testament was the god to the penis and reproduction). We bow down and worship a danglely piece of flesh! Question: How low can we go?

…until we come to the place that we are sick and tired of being sick and tired…until we are ready to do ANYTHING for our healing…until we see what we ‘desire, crave and hunger after’ is at the bottom line, “…worshipping the creature rather than the Creator…” (Romans 1) then we will never be able to place our feet squarely on the road to healing. All excuses, all lies, all masks, all games…..MUST STOP! We have the choice to do that. NO devil can prevent us from making that choice! It is a matter of who will we ‘agree with’? God or satan.

I understand your ‘needs’ and your ‘drivenness’ to satisfy those needs. But if you plan to continue with God…you must stop acting out completely…everything! You MUST clean house… everything! There is no half way my friend. And, here it goes, all excuses that you are alone and can’t help yourself have to go! To be honest…that excuse does not convince me at all…I was in Bishop, California…a cowboy town, no gays, no help…and God walked me out of this thing almost all by myself…well, and Him too! I had one person who gave me about 20 minutes on the phone (he was 300 miles away so couldn’t just get in the car and go). I came to the end of my rope…that’s all there is to it.

I know I am being a bit forthright now…but, hey…I have nothing to loose…you do. I’ve found my walk-of-healing…have you? Jesus never ran after anyone. They came to Him. They asked Him what they must do…and He told them. Now, they either did what He said OR they didn’t…it was their choice. What choices are you going to make?

I know this last part is really hard…and I want to say just one more thing from my heart…I believe that you have been and continue to do your best! You’ve come a long way my friend…I’m proud of you!!! Really, I AM proud of you!!! The reason I wrote what I did is to help you get a ‘reality check’ at this point in time…you can pass this info on if you wish…that’s up to you. To you it means one thing to others it might mean something a bit different…the bottom line is the facts…those never change, hey?!! I know you have grown comfortable in ‘meeting your own needs’ because you never felt as if your dad or maybe even your mom did when you were growing up. Letting go of that ‘control’ after having it for so long is not easy, I agree…BUT it is NOT impossible!

How to stop Masturbation…

Do you have a dairy? If so…every time you masturbate…then right after, I mean immediately…’confess your sin and rebellion against God’, especially IF you thought of someone… then invite God into that part of your thoughts, mind, and memory to clean, wash and bathe them…and ask Him to fill up those places with images of Him.

After that…go to your dairy and make a X or whatever code you want…beside it write two to three words, like lonely, stressed, angry…etc., whatever you were feeling…get it? Do this EVERY time. After a month look back at your dairy and check out exactly what it was that was triggering you…when you know then you can be “specific” when you ask God into those places. You will also have no excuse when those ‘red flags’ pop up!

You should also notice that the times will become less and less. Don’t focus on masturbation… the more you think about it or how horrible it is the more you will do it! It gains power the more you do not talk about it and address it. It just works that way.

After a while you need to get to the point in which you invite Jesus into your needs and emotions ‘as you are experiencing them’! It is important to immediately invite the Lord into those deep places of your life and need when it is happening…those hungers, cravings and uncontrollable desires…the ones that drive you.

Another practical action you can take is to begin to pray for someone who you know who is not a Christian, or someone who is and struggles with the same thing. The enemy will push your buttons and when He does – get angry at him! If you say to yourself I am going to pray hard for someone else every time the enemy reminds me of someone or lust starts to show itself…let me tell you…after a while the enemy will back off. He is determined and we must be MORE determined! Remember, we are in a battle…there is no easy way out! Make peace with the that fact and tell the enemy of your soul, “every time you push my buttons I will pray that much harder for my friend (etc.)!” YOU KNOW the devil hates it when we pray with conviction and believe!

Always remember our Father God is not a hard taskmaster! Remember His burden is light! He wants to meet our needs unconditionally! He continues to pursue each of us with His amazing, awesome love!

In His grace,