A letter to a friend regarding masturbation

A letter to a friend regarding masturbation

Dear friend,

You asked me, “What do I think of masturbation”…hum…boy, that’s a hot topic throughout the Christian world in this day and time!

Personally, I don’t think it’s God’s plan or best for us…for some it becomes an ‘addictive behaviour’ and for some ‘compulsive’. When that happens, it becomes our ‘control devise’. We LOVE to be in control! The reason being is that at certain times in our life we ‘felt or perceived’ that we had no control, people ran over our boundaries…we were powerless. Control is a way to try and regain ‘power’ for ourselves.

Many have brought masturbation under subjection and only do it once or twice a month or less. They don’t think about anyone when they do it…at that point it can be stopped all together… nevertheless, our bodies continue to remind us about it! The body has it’s ‘proper’ functions and IF left alone it will automatically, for men, have a nocturnal emission during sleep.

Women have something similar from time to time called an organism. After years of being in this type of ministry I’ve come to understand and if people have never had this experience as a teen or young adult there will be no provocative or illicit dreams to provoke a sexual stimulation during our sleep dream state.


We use masturbation to ‘bless our own masculinity’ or ‘femininity’. If we are not ‘blessed’, ‘affirmed’ and receive our rightful ‘identity transfer’ from our fathers or mothers…which come through touch, talk, their modeling and mentoring. It is God’s way for intimate transfer of soulish identity. If we as children do not get their legitimate needs met through them, we will become hungry, needy for legitimate needs to be met and we live disempowered. We will not be completed in our male or female identity. Masturbation can become a place where we get our needs met. It becomes our ‘warm fuzzy’ place. It is private, secretive and all our own. We run to it to make us ‘feel good’ about who we are as male or female…because we say to ourselves, ‘we need it’. We have tons of excuses to convince ourselves that it is OK, etc.

The bottom line, and here is where it starts getting tough, is it’s not God’s best for us…and it is selfish sin, especially when we fantasise about someone while doing it! Remember Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28 (NKJV), “…27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” I take it from those verses that ‘if we connect our thoughts to someone while masturbating’ it’s sin as well. We’re talking about pornography as well here. What God showed me is that we are “raising idols up and worshipping at their temples” each time we do this using porn or looking into a mirror when masturbating or masturbating WITH someone (outside the covenant of marriage) we are worshipping at the shrine of Baal and/or Asherah! (The god of Baal in the Old Testament was the god to the masculine. The god of Ashtaroth was the god to the feminine. These gods were worshiped in prostitution and immoral acts). We bow down and worship flesh! Question: How low can we go?

Until we come to the place that we are sick and tired of being sick and tired…until we are ready to do ANYTHING for our healing…until we see what we ‘desire, crave and hunger after’ is at the bottom line, “…worshipping the creature rather than the Creator…” (Romans 1) then we will never be able to place our feet squarely on the road to healing. All excuses, all lies, all masks, all games…..MUST STOP! We have the choice to do that. NO devil can prevent us from making that choice! It is a matter of who will we ‘agree with’? God or satan.

I understand your ‘needs’ and ‘drivenness’ to satisfy those needs. But if you plan to continue with God, you must stop acting out completely. Everything outside the boundaries of   marriage must stop! We MUST clean house, i.e. porn, sex toys, letters, cards and mementos – everything must go! There is no half way my friend. And, here it goes, all excuses that we are alone and can’t help our self must stop! To be honest…that excuse does not convince me at all…I was in Bishop, California, a cowboy town, there was no help for anyone with these issues. God walked and guided me through these struggles. I had one person who gave me about 20 minutes on the phone. This pastor lived 300 miles away so couldn’t just get in the car and go see him). I came to the end of my rope. I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had a couple of friends I felt ‘safe’ with and I trusted to share my struggles. They were my prayer partners. The Word says to lift each other up in faith. They were my encouragers.

I know I am being a bit forthright now…but, hey I have nothing to lose. I’ve found my walk-of-healing, have you? Jesus never ran after anyone. They came to Him. They asked Him what they must do and He told them. They either did what He said OR they didn’t, it was their choice. What choices are you going to make?

I know this last part is very difficult, and I want to say something from my heart, I believe that you have been and continue to do your best! You’ve come a long way my friend…I’m proud of you!!! Really, I AM proud of you!!! The reason I wrote what I did is to help you get a ‘reality check’ now. To you it means one thing to others it might mean something a bit different, the bottom line are the facts, they never change!! You have grown comfortable in ‘meeting your own needs’ because you never felt as if your dad or maybe even your mom did or didn’t do when you were growing up. Letting go of that ‘control’ after having it for so long is not easy, I agree, BUT it is NOT impossible!

You ask “How to stop Masturbation?” Do you have a dairy? If so, every time you masturbate, immediately after ’confess your sin and rebellion against God’, especially IF you thought of someone while in the act. Then invite God into that part of your thoughts, mind, and memory to clean, wash and bathe them…and ask Him to fill up those places with images of Him.

After that…first go to your dairy and make a X or whatever code you want and the date. Second, beside the date, write two to three words, like ‘lonely’, ‘stressed’, ‘angry’…etc., whatever you were feeling before you actually masturbated, understand? Do this EVERY time. After a month look back at your dairy and check out exactly what it was that was triggering you. When you know then you can be “specific” when you ask God into those places. You will also have no excuse when those ‘red flags’ pop up!

You should also notice that the times you act out will become less and less. Don’t focus on masturbation or yourself because the more you think about it, how horrible it is and how bad you are, the more you will continue to do what you are trying to stop! It gains power in our silence. The more you do not talk about it or address it, the stronger the urge becomes. It just works that way.

After a while you need to get to the point in which you invite Jesus into your needs and emotions ‘as you are experiencing them’! They are your “triggers”. It is important to immediately invite the Lord into those deep places of your life when it is happening…those hungers, cravings and uncontrollable desires…the ones that drive you.

Another practical action you can take is to begin to pray for someone who you know who is not a Christian, or someone who struggles with the same thing. The enemy will push your buttons and when He does – get angry at him! If you say to yourself I am going to pray hard for someone else every time the enemy reminds me of someone or lust starts to show itself…let me tell you…after a while the enemy will back off. He is determined but we must be MORE determined! Remember, we are in a battle…there is no easy way out! Make peace with that fact and tell the enemy of your soul, “every time you push my buttons I will pray that much harder for my friend (etc.)!” YOU KNOW the devil hates it when we pray with conviction and believe!

Always remember our Father God is not a hard taskmaster! Remember His burden is light! He wants to meet our needs unconditionally! He continues to pursue each of us with His amazing, awesome love!

In His grace, Wynn