One of the important realizations I’ve had in my healing journey is that I have legitimate needs which, for some reason, were not met in my formative years. This coupled with the experiences of abuse and plain-old broken ways of thinking and being has given rise to my neediness, confusion and stinking thinking.
I came to the conclusion it’s very important that we learn to distinguish between the legitimate needs related to our sexuality and our emotions and the false ways we have chosen to meet these needs. God has given us an inner yearning to seek completion outside ourselves, but because of our sinful nature we are broken in our capacity to love others.
This brokenness includes:
- A lack of self-worth which disempowers the growth of self-confidence and therefore the forming of healthy peer relationships.
- A walling-off which prevents us from receiving love and receiving gender confirmation from our peers.
- Homosexuality, where we seek a union with a member of the same sex in order to meet our childhood needs for touch or to make up for gender deficits.
- Heterosexual addictive relationships where men and women submit to a variety of false patterns of relating in order to meet their needs for love.
- Isolation, where people shut themselves off from all relationships in order to ease the pain and confusion.
- Bonding to illusion or fantasy as a means of meeting our needs – this can range from pornography to romantic fallacies (an unhealthy view of love), and comes from a desire to opt out of an unsatisfactory reality.
- Come out of the denial that you had a perfect family.
- Acknowledge and name your wounds.
- Express your feelings.
- Experience inner healing of memories.
- Grieve the loss of your childhood.
- Acknowledge your deep, healthy need for unconditional love which was not met.
- Ask God to nurture, love and comfort you through thousands of connections with Him.